Mental Health and Emotional Wellness
In today’s fast-paced world, where the lines between work, family, and personal time often blur, setting
healthy boundaries has become more crucial than ever. This is especially true for parents and caregivers who are constantly navigating the needs of others while trying to maintain their own mental health and self-care routines.
Understanding Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are the invisible lines that define our personal space, both emotionally and physically. They help protect our well-being by delineating what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions. Setting these boundaries is a form of self-care that everyone should prioritize.
Why Healthy Boundaries Are Important
- Protects Mental Health: Establishing boundaries helps reduce stress and prevent burnout by ensuring that you are not overextending yourself. It allows you to focus on what truly matters without feeling overwhelmed.
- Enhances Relationships: Healthy boundaries foster respect and understanding in relationships. You cultivate mutual respect and stronger connections by clearly communicating your needs and limits.
- Supports Self-Care: Boundaries are a critical component of self-care, allowing you to allocate time and energy to activities that rejuvenate and fulfill you.
- Empowers Personal Growth: Setting boundaries encourages self-reflection and confidence, empowering you to take control of your life and make decisions that align with your values.
Steps to Setting Healthy Boundaries
- Self-Reflection
Begin by reflecting on your current boundaries or lack thereof. Consider areas where you often feel discomfort, resentment, or exhaustion. These feelings can signal the need for boundary-setting.
- Define Your Limits
Clearly identify what you need to protect your mental health and well-being. This could include time alone, saying no to additional responsibilities, or limiting specific interactions.
- Communicate Clearly
When discussing boundaries, use clear and assertive communication. Express your needs in a straightforward manner without apologizing or justifying them. For example, “I need some time to myself after work to unwind” is effective and respectful.
- Be Consistent
Consistency is vital when enforcing boundaries. Be firm yet empathetic when reminding others of your limits. Over time, people will learn to respect your space and needs.
- Practice Self-Care
Regularly check in with yourself to ensure that others respect your boundaries and that you honour your self-care commitments. Remember, boundaries are flexible and can be adjusted as your needs change.
- Seek Support
If you’re struggling to set boundaries, consider seeking support from mental health professionals or joining communities focusing on boundary-setting and self-care. Resources like BrenĂ© Brown’s workbooks and discussion guides can provide valuable insights and tools.
Conclusion
Setting healthy boundaries is essential for protecting your mental health and fostering relationships and personal growth. You empower yourself to lead a balanced and fulfilling life by prioritizing boundaries.
Ready to take the next step in your boundary-setting journey? Connect with like-minded individuals in our community or explore resources that can help you refine this crucial skill. Remember, setting boundaries is an act of self-love and empowerment.
Mental Health and Emotional Wellness
Many individuals explore various methods to achieve personal growth and fulfillment in today’s fast-paced world. Among these, hypnotherapy is gaining popularity as a powerful tool for manifestation—a process of bringing your desires and aspirations into reality. Understanding how hypnotherapy can aid manifestation might be your next step toward creating the life you want.
Understanding Hypnotherapy and Manifestation
What is Hypnotherapy?
Hypnotherapy is a form of talk therapy that involves guided relaxation and focused attention to achieve a heightened state of awareness. During this state, individuals are more open to suggestions, making it an effective method for addressing subconscious beliefs and patterns hindering personal growth.
What is Manifestation?
Manifestation is bringing something tangible into your life through attraction and belief. It’s about aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions to bring positive changes and fulfill your desires. Often, manifestation incorporates positive affirmations and visualization techniques to amplify its effects.
How Hypnotherapy Enhances Manifestation
- Breaking Down Mental Barriers
One of the primary ways hypnotherapy aids manifesting the life you want, is by breaking down mental barriers. Often, subconscious blocks—such as limiting beliefs or negative thought patterns—can hinder your ability to manifest your goals. These barriers can be identified and reprogrammed through hypnotherapy, allowing for a clearer path to manifesting your desires.
- Reinforcing Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a key component of manifestation. They help shift your mindset toward positivity and possibility. A hypnotherapist can help you reinforce these affirmations more deeply, reaching the subconscious mind where lasting change occurs. This reinforcement helps solidify new, empowering beliefs that support your manifestation goals.
- Visualizing Success
Visualization is another powerful tool in the process. It involves creating vivid mental images of your desired outcome. During hypnotherapy, visualization exercises can help you to experience the feelings and sensations associated with achieving your goals. This practice boosts confidence and increases motivation to take action toward those goals.
- Aligning Subconscious and Conscious Mind
For manifestation to be effective, your conscious desires must align with your subconscious beliefs. Hypnotherapy facilitates this alignment by bringing subconscious thoughts to the surface and addressing conflicts between the two. Once aligned, your intentions become more powerful, paving the way for successfully manifesting your dreams.
Getting Started with Hypnotherapy for Manifestation
Many individuals have reported tangible results from using hypnotherapy for manifesting their goals. The potential benefits are vast, from career advancements to improved relationships and financial success. By committing to regular hypnotherapy sessions and incorporating manifestation techniques into daily life, many find themselves closer to realizing their dreams.
If you’re interested in exploring hypnotherapy as a tool to manifest the life you want, consider the following steps:
- Research Qualified Practitioners: Look for certified hypnotherapists with experience in manifestation techniques.
- Set Clear Intentions: Define what you want to manifest and keep these intentions clear and specific.
- Commit to Regular Sessions: Consistency is vital. Regular hypnotherapy sessions can reinforce positive changes and keep you on track.
- Practice Daily Affirmations and Visualization: Incorporate these practices into your routine to support the work done in hypnotherapy.
Conclusion
Hypnotherapy offers a unique and practical approach to manifestation, empowering you to overcome subconscious blocks and align your mind with your deepest desires. By integrating hypnotherapy into your personal development journey, you can enhance your ability to manifest the life you truly want. Ready to take the next step? Explore hypnotherapy for manifestation today and unlock your full potential.
Written by DeVera Nybo, Owner, Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
Mental Health and Emotional Wellness
People often misinterpret perfectionism as striving to be the best, but it is more complex. Brene Brown describes it as believing that achieving perfection in our actions, appearance, and life can protect us from criticism, blame, and shame. Despite its promise of protection, perfectionism often results in stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.
Defining Perfectionism
Perfectionism extends beyond high standards to an all-or-nothing mindset where falling short of flawless is unacceptable. This mentality can affect various life areas, such as work and relationships, leading to dissatisfaction and a fear of failure. Trying to be perfect is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval. Brown also warns, “Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.” Acknowledging this is the first step toward overcoming perfectionism.
The Dangers of Perfectionism
While pursuing excellence can fuel success, trying to be perfect can be crippling, often leading to:
- Procrastination: The fear of falling short of perfection can delay the initiation or completion of tasks.
- Mental Health Issues: Persistent self-criticism and fear of judgment contribute to anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy.
- Relationship Strain: Expectations can extend to others, causing frustration and conflict.
- Decreased Productivity: Focusing excessively on details can impede task completion and stifle creativity.
- Shame:  Perfectionism is shame avoidance. Shame is a universally uncomfortable emotion that creates fear that we are unworthy of connection. However, because perfection is unattainable, shame ultimately follows us on our quest for perfection.
Identifying Perfectionism
Recognizing signs of perfectionism is essential. If you frequently struggle to meet your own standards, feel anxious or frustrated trying to fulfill them, or hear that your standards are too high, perfectionistic tendencies might be the issue.
Reflective Questions:
- Do I find it difficult to meet my standards?
- Am I often anxious or frustrated in trying to meet them?
- Have others remarked that my standards are excessively high?
- Do my standards prevent me from completing tasks or enjoying life?
- Am I critical of others who fail to meet my high expectations?
- Do I have different expectations for myself than I do for others?
Examples of Perfectionist Thoughts and Behaviors
Perfectionist Feelings:
- Feeling anxious or depressed when unable to meet self-imposed expectations.
- Engaging in constant self-criticism despite putting in effort and time.
- Feeling ashamed or uncomfortable with compliments.
Perfectionist Thinking:
- Black-and-white thinking: Viewing anything less than perfect as a failure.
- Catastrophic thinking: Assuming the worst will happen if you make a mistake.
- Should Statements: Believing you must always be perfect and never show weakness.
Perfectionist Behavior:
- Chronic procrastination or giving up when tasks aren’t perfect.
- Excessive checking for errors or unnecessarily redoing work.
- Avoiding new experiences to prevent mistakes.
Strategies to Overcome Perfectionism
a) Realistic Thinking vs Perfectionism
Replace negative, self-critical thoughts with realistic, positive affirmations. Consistent practice can foster new thought patterns.
Examples:
“Nobody is perfect!”
“All I can do is my best!”
“Making a mistake is human.”
b) Perspective Taking
Challenge distorted perspectives by considering others’ viewpoints. Ask yourself:
- How would a friend see this situation?
- Are there alternative perspectives?
c) Consider the Big Picture
Redirect your focus from details to broader perspectives by asking:
- What’s the worst that could happen?
d) Compromising vs Perfectionism
Establish flexible, realistic standards and be open to compromise.
Moving Forward
Overcoming perfectionism involves accepting imperfections and valuing progress over flawlessness, not lowering your standards. By practicing these strategies and acknowledging perfection’s unrealistic nature, you can lead a more fulfilled, balanced life.
If you’re ready to address your perfectionism further, consider professional guidance. Engage with mental health professionals, join support groups, or read insightful books to support your self-improvement. While perfection may be an illusion, growth and happiness are attainable.
Written by: DeVera Nybo, Owner, Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
Chronic Conditions & Holistic Health
Feeling nauseous can be an uncomfortable and disruptive experience. Many health-conscious individuals seek to understand the underlying causes and solutions for this common problem. In this blog post, we’ll explore the various factors that can lead to nausea, its physiology, management strategies, diagnostic processes for chronic nausea, and holistic treatments that can offer relief.
What Causes Nausea?
Various factors can trigger nausea, ranging from benign to more serious health conditions. Common causes include:
- Gastrointestinal Issues: Conditions such as gastroenteritis, food poisoning, and acid reflux can one lead to feeling nauseated.
- Motion Sickness: Traveling by car, plane, or boat can trigger upset stomach and vomiting in susceptible individuals.
- Pregnancy: Morning sickness is a well-known cause of nausea during pregnancy.
- Medication Side Effects: Certain medications, such as chemotherapy drugs, can induce nausea as a side effect.
- Stress and Anxiety: Emotional stress and anxiety can manifest physically as queasiness.
- Food Sensitivities: Food intolerances and allergies can cause stomach upset after consuming trigger foods.
The Physiology Behind Nausea
Feeling nauseous is a complex physiological response that involves multiple body systems. It begins in the brain, specifically the area known as the vomiting center, which receives input from various sensory organs such as the inner ear and stomach. This triggers a series of events, including increased heart rate, changes in blood flow, and contraction of abdominal muscles, resulting in the sensation of queasiness sometimes leading to vomiting.
Managing Nausea
Managing nausea involves addressing both the symptoms and the underlying cause. Here are some strategies that can help:
- Dietary Changes: Avoiding trigger foods or following an anti-inflammatory diet can help. Eating smaller, more frequent meals and avoiding spicy or greasy foods can reduce nausea.
- Hydration: Staying hydrated helps flush out toxins and can alleviate symptoms.
- Ginger and Peppermint: Research has shown that natural remedies like ginger tea or peppermint oil can reduce queasiness.
- Medication: Over-the-counter antiemetic medications can provide temporary relief in acute cases.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Reducing stress through mindfulness and relaxation exercises can help manage anxiety-related nausea.
How is Chronic Nausea Diagnosed?
When nausea becomes chronic, a thorough evaluation by a healthcare professional is essential. According to the Mayo Clinic, effective treatment relies on accurate diagnosis. The diagnostic process may include:
- Medical History Review: Understanding the patient’s medical history and current medications.
- Physical Examination: A comprehensive physical examination to identify potential underlying conditions.
- Diagnostic Tests: Doctors may conduct blood tests, imaging, and endoscopy to rule out specific causes.
A precise diagnosis can significantly improve treatment outcomes, offering targeted solutions to manage chronic nausea.
Holistic Treatments for Chronic Nausea
Holistic approaches can complement traditional medical treatments, providing a comprehensive strategy for managing chronic nausea. These include:
- Acupuncture: This ancient practice can help balance energy flow and reduce symptoms.
- Herbal Remedies: Herbs like chamomile and fennel are known for their soothing properties.
- Dietary Counseling: Working with a nutritionist to create a tailored diet plan can support overall wellness and reduce nausea.
At Newleaf Total Wellness Centre, we believe in a patient-centred approach that integrates interdisciplinary care to achieve optimal health outcomes. Our team of professionals is dedicated to supporting your journey to feeling stronger, braver, and better.
Conclusion
Understanding the causes and physiology of nausea is the first step in finding effective relief. Individuals can take proactive steps toward better health by exploring various management strategies, diagnostic processes, and holistic treatments. Consider partnering with a healthcare provider who values evidence-informed, patient-centred care for personalized support.
If you’re experiencing chronic nausea and would like to explore holistic treatment options, contact Newleaf Total Wellness Centre. Our team of experts is here to partner with you on your path to wellness.
Written by: DeVera Nybo, MBA, CEO / Owner Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
Mental Health and Emotional Wellness
Hard emotions can feel like a storm that appears out of nowhere. One minute, you’re going about your day, and the next, you’re overwhelmed by feelings of anger, sadness, or anxiety. While pushing them away is tempting, the key to emotional wellness is acknowledging and processing these emotions. Let’s explore how to approach these feelings with compassion and understanding so they can pass without leaving a lasting impact.
1. Engage with Your Feelings
The first step in managing hard emotions is to engage with them fully. This doesn’t mean letting them take over your life but acknowledging their presence. You create a space where healing can begin by allowing yourself to feel without judgment. Remember, emotions are transient—they will pass.
2. Get Curious About the Story
Every emotion has a story. When a feeling arises, instead of immediately reacting, pause and ask yourself, “What is this about?” Understanding the origin of your emotions can provide valuable insights into your triggers and patterns.
3. Write it Down
Journaling is a powerful tool for processing emotions. Write down your feelings and why you think you’re feeling that way. This practice helps clarify your thoughts and allows you to see your feelings from a different perspective.
4. Dig In
- What Are the Facts, and What Are My Assumptions?
Separate facts from assumptions. Often, our emotions are tied to stories we’ve created in our minds. By identifying the truth, you can reduce the intensity of your emotional response.
- What Do I Need to Know About the Others Involved?
Consider the role of others in your emotional landscape. Understanding their perspectives may shift your view and help alleviate some of the feelings you’re experiencing.
- What Am I Really Feeling? What Part Did I Play?
Dig deeper into your emotions. Are you truly angry, or is there underlying sadness or fear? Recognizing the source of your feelings can be liberating. Reflect on your actions and consider how they may have affected the situation.
5. Regulate, Don’t Suppress
Emotion regulation is about managing your feelings, not suppressing them. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and physical activity can help you stabilize your mood. These practices enable you to respond to emotions healthily and productively.
6. Work with a Helping Professional
If your emotions feel overwhelming and difficult to manage on your own, consider seeking support from a professional. Therapists and counsellors can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop effective strategies for dealing with them.
In conclusion, remember that hard emotions are part of being human. They do not define you, nor do they have to control your life. By adopting a mindful approach to your feelings, you’ll find they pass quickly, making you stronger and more resilient. If you’re ready to take the next step towards emotional wellness, consider booking an appointment with a helping professional who can help guide you.
Written by: DeVera Nybo, MBA, CEO/ Owner Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
Pain Relief and Physical Health
In your wellness journey, you may have encountered the bewildering phenomenon of referred pain, which manifests in areas distant from its source. It’s a complex puzzle, isn’t it? Yet, for those with chronic conditions, recovering from trauma, or navigating injuries, understanding this concept is a pivotal move towards empowerment and regaining control over your well-being.
The Pathways of Pain
It might surprise you to learn that some referred pain travels along specific nerve pathways. This means you may feel discomfort originating in one organ or place of the body entirely in another area. It’s a curious phenomenon in which the nervous system sends mixed signals about the location of the soreness, making it difficult for our brain to pinpoint the distress. Our bodies have a delicate network of nerves threaded throughout. Sometimes, the signals get crossed. Because of its deceptive nature, referred pain can be challenging to diagnose and treat, but understanding its principles is the first step toward managing it more effectively.
Patterns and Recognition
Not all referred pain is random; there are identifiable patterns. For instance, arm discomfort may signal heart complications. At the same time, aching in your shoulder blade might indicate issues with internal organs like the gallbladder or liver. In contrast, a throbbing knee may indicate low back issues, while headaches might originate in the cervical spine. As explained in “PMC,” these patterns act as guides, giving clues to uncover the main issue rather than providing a conclusive diagnosis. Therefore, it is advisable to seek advice from healthcare experts skilled at diagnosing and treating musculoskeletal expressions of pain.
Fascia: The Hidden Culprit
Beyond nerve pathways lies a lesser-known player in the pain game called the fascia. This web-like connective tissue envelops our muscles and organs. When strained, the aching can be mysterious, seemingly untraceable, and often mistaken for other ailments.
Understanding the role of fascia in pain perception highlights the need for a comprehensive approach to treatment that looks at the whole picture rather than isolated symptoms.
The Role of the Brain
Many people are surprised to learn that referred pain is not a result of the body’s physical structures but a product of the brain. Various factors, like our previous experiences, emotional state, and even cultural beliefs, influence this “pain map” within our brain.
Additionally, pain is not so much a sensation as a sophisticated perception forged in your mind. Consider this enlightening truth: physical suffering is often fully driven by the brain, making it a deeply subjective experience influenced by physical factors, memories, emotions, and even sensory triggers such as smells.
Influences That Shape How We Perceive Pain
Here lies the most profound revelation in our exploration of pain perception—we are not passive recipients of this sensation. Our past experiences, the stories we’ve heard, and the environment around us all shape how intensely we feel pain.
Remember a time when a familiar aroma alleviated some discomfort without any medication? That’s not magic; your neural network responds to positive associations. Similarly, stress can amplify our suffering, while tranquillity might diminish it. Thus, managing our environment and emotions is a major ally in our search for relief.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Empowering Pain Management
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based psychological intervention that promotes self-awareness, emotional balance, and adaptive coping strategies. Researchers have widely documented the effectiveness of CBT for pain management. Studies consistently show its effectiveness in reducing symptoms and improving the overall quality of life for individuals suffering from chronic pain. Working with a psychotherapist or other counsellor may help patients understand and cope with their pain.
Articulating the Pain Experience
Your experiences are valid! The trick is translating them accurately to a healthcare professional so they can actually help you. Clear communication is crucial. When describing your condition, be as specific as possible. Describe the location, type of pain (sharp, dull, throbbing), frequency, intensity, and any activities that worsen or lessen it. This detailed portrait of your soreness assists professionals in piecing together a more accurate diagnosis. While filling out all those intake forms and repeatedly telling your story is tedious, they are essential to your patient history. The more information you can provide, the quicker your practitioner can solve the mystery of your pain.
Tailoring Treatments for Maximum Effectiveness
A one-size-fits-all approach to managing pain falls short of addressing each individual’s unique needs. Efficient management often requires a multidisciplinary team that includes practitioners with specialized training, physical therapy, acupuncture, visceral manipulation, nutrition, and psychotherapy to design personalized treatment plans. This holistic strategy ensures the improvement of symptoms. It aims to tackle the root cause of the discomfort, paving the way for sustainable recovery and wellness.
The Way Forward
In light of these insights, we extend you a beacon of hope: Manage your lifestyle. Seek professional guidance attuned to your physical symptoms and you as a complex and unique individual.
Keep this your mantra: patience and persistence are your trusted companions on this healing voyage. And remember, when it comes to conquering referred pain, understanding is half the battle won.
Stay empowered, well-informed, and positive as you break through the barriers of chronic pain and rediscover the joys of a vibrant, balanced life.
Your pain is real, but so is hope. With this affirmative note, we encourage you to act. After all, your wellness story is incomplete, and the next chapter is in your hands.
Conclusion
At Newleaf Total Wellness Centre, we understand the complexity of referred pain and its impact on our patients. We strive to help people heal from injuries, trauma, and illness to achieve optimal wellness through a holistic approach that prioritizes education, collaboration, and individualized treatment plans. With our team of dedicated professionals and a range of specialized services, we are committed to helping our patients find long-term relief and improve their overall quality of life. Don’t let referred pain hold you back – let Newleaf Total Wellness Centre help you on your journey towards a pain-free life. Book an appointment to discuss your unique needs.
Written by DeVera Nybo, MBA, Owner, Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
Disclaimer
This document is for informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, including pain.
References:
International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP). (n.d.). Referred Pain. Retrieved from https://www.iasp-pain.org/terminology?navItemNumber=576#Referredpain
PMC. (2015). Understanding the referred pain experience, Journal of Physical Therapy Science, 27(2), 555-556. doi:10.1589/jpts.27.555
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Chronic Pain. (2021). Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/treatment-for-pain/
National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. (2019). Acupuncture: In Depth. Retrieved from https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/acupuncture-in-depth
Visceral Manipulation Institute. (n.d.). What is Visceral Manipulation? Retrieved from https://www.barralinstitute.com/therapies/index.php
Heartland Health Research Institute. (2019). Manual Osteopathy: Holistic Approach for Pain Relief and More. Retrieved from http://heartlandhealthresearchinstitute.com/manual-osteopathy-holistic-approach-for-pain-relief-and-more/
Therapy Options Explained
Hypnotherapy for anxiety and depression offers a powerful, natural way to support emotional healing. One in three people will experience anxiety or depression at some point in their lives. Whether triggered by daily stress, trauma, or loss, these emotional states can deeply affect your quality of life. And medication isn’t always the answer.
🌬 Start with Breath: A Simple Reset
When anxiety strikes, the first step is to breathe. Deep, intentional breathing sends oxygen to your cells and signals your body to relax. Try this:
Inhale deeply through your nose
Hold for a few seconds
Exhale slowly through your mouth
Repeat 2–3 times
This simple technique helps regulate your nervous system and prepares your body for deeper healing.
🧠How Hypnotherapy Supports Emotional Healing
Hypnotherapy for anxiety and depression goes beyond talk therapy. It’s a scientific, subconscious-led approach that helps clients release emotional patterns rooted in past experiences.
Unlike counselling, hypnotherapy works directly with the subconscious mind to reframe traumatic events and dissolve emotional triggers. This empowers clients to respond with clarity rather than automatic reactions.
🔍 What Happens in Hypnosis?
According to the International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association:
“Hypnosis may be defined as an educational communication process to a person’s mind that allows his/her conscious and subconscious mind to receive the same message. The process produces an altered state of consciousness through physical and mental relaxation.”
Hypnotherapy is not stage hypnotism. You remain in control, aware, and aligned with your values throughout the process.
⚔️ Understanding Anxiety and Depression
Anxiety is your body’s fight response—an automatic reaction to perceived threats. If unresolved, it can evolve into depression, the flight response, where energy and motivation retreat.
Hypnotherapy for anxiety and depression helps interrupt this cycle. It begins with relaxation, then guides the subconscious to resolve the root emotional cause—without reliving the trauma.
đź’ˇ Can Anyone Be Hypnotized?
Yes. If you can focus, you can be hypnotized. In fact, you already experience hypnotic states daily—while driving, watching TV, or daydreaming.
Hypnotherapy simply uses this natural state to support healing.
🌱 What to Expect at Newleaf Total Wellness Centre
We offer several hypnotherapy packages tailored to your needs. Our Anxiety and/or Pain Management session is a 45-minute introduction to hypnotherapy, allowing you to experience hypnosis before beginning advanced therapy.
Corinne Ropp, Cht, has been studying and teaching hypnotherapy since 1992.
Book your hypnotherapy appointment here.
Learn more about our hypnotherapist here.
Mental Health and Emotional Wellness
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is having the same compassion towards yourself that you have towards others. Compassion for others is when you notice that someone is suffering and you are moved by their experience. Your heart feels for the suffering that they are going through. Compassion for others is not pity; it is about recognizing that everyone is human and imperfect. In a way you are identifying with the person you see struggling. Self-compassion is about taking this feeling and turning it inward towards ourselves.
Seems easy right? Unfortunately, given today’s society this has become a difficult skill. One only has to turn on any social media platform and see that we do not live in a world that is accepting of imperfection. From body image, to planning a birthday, to relationships and sex, to being an involved parent we are constantly reminded of what the expectation is and how we fail to meet this expectation every day.
Why is self-compassion important?
When we are lacking in self-compassion we tend to start talking to ourselves negatively. We realize that we can not meet the expectations that we, or others, have set and we berate ourselves for not doing a better job. Negative self-talk induces the stress hormone (cortisol) in our body. As we know having high levels of cortisol impacts our physical and mental well-being. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion are happier, less stressed, and more resilient.
So you may be asking yourself: “Why do I keep talking to myself this way if it’s not good for me?” There are many reasons an individual engages in negative self-talk, the most common one being for motivation. We think that we will be more motivated if we tell ourselves we aren’t doing a good job. The reality is that negative self-talk has the opposite effect. Other reasons may be that we don’t feel we deserve to be kind to ourselves, to punish ourselves, or past experiences have impacted our self-talk.
When we can speak kindly to ourselves and are gracious with ourselves we are happier, healthier, and more connected to ourselves and others. Overall we will excel in other areas of our life.
How can I incorporate self-compassion into my life?
There are three main components (or skills) of self-compassion.
- Self-kindness is demonstrating to yourself the kindness that you have towards others when you are struggling.
- Common humanity involves acknowledging that everyone suffers. Suffering is a part of life and as humans we all suffer. It’s recognizing that if you are suffering it is not because there is something wrong with you, but that everyone has moments of suffering. Inadequacies and imperfection is part of the shared human experience.
- Mindfulness is noticing when we are suffering and attending to our struggle. Being mindful is to observe negative thoughts with openness. As Dr Kristen Neff, the pioneer of self-compassion, states “we can not ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.” Lastly, a key piece of mindfulness is to remain non-judgemental when we notice our suffering and negative thoughts.
Practical Tips:
– Practice the three skills detailed above when you are in a moment of suffering.
– Create a self-compassion mantra that you can say to yourself when you are struggling. It may go like this “may I be kind to myself in this moment, may I give myself the compassion that I need” or “this is a moment of suffering, everyone suffers.”
– When you notice yourself speaking negatively ask yourself if you would speak to a friend like that.
– Reflect on the negative self-talk that you have noticed. This may include if there is a common theme in your self-talk, if it’s related to past experiences, or if you have a tendency to set unrealistic expectations and respond with negative self-talk.
– Engage in relaxation exercises, or guided meditations, that focus on self-compassion. There are a number of videos on youtube that are self-compassion meditations. Dr Kristen Neff records relaxation videos on her website (http://self-compassion.org/).
– Complete self-compassion exercises from Dr Kristen Neff’s website.
– Visit Dr Kristen Neff’s website to read more about self-compassion and how you can include this practice in your life.
My Story with Self-compassion
For most of my life I have been a perfectionist. As I stated above, perfectionism creates unrealistic expectations and then feelings of failure. So, you can imagine that my critical self-talk was fairly intense for most of my life. When I was introduced to the concept of self-compassion my first thought was “obviously I do this – I love myself so I must talk to myself kindly.” Well was I wrong! When I started listening to the thoughts running through my head I realized that I was extremely critical towards myself. At this point my immediate reaction was shame. I went to a place of “if you really love yourself how could you talk to yourself this way?” and “You know better.” I was clearly not using the mindfulness skill of listening with a non-judgemental stance. Thus, began my journey to changing the critical voice in my head into a compassionate voice. This required an immense amount of reflection on why I speak to myself critically. It also required a conscious daily practice to challenge the negative self-talk and change it into compassion.
I can say that now, after time and practice, self-compassion is more natural to me. What I’ve noticed is that I am considerably happier in my every day life. When I am struggling and I use self-compassion I have noticed that my fear, pain, anxiety, or whatever strong emotion I am experiencing immediately decreases in intensity. I then feel that I can manage whatever struggle I am experiencing. I have also noticed that the times that I do not utilize self-compassion in times of struggles that I have a harder time accepting myself and the situation which then increases the intensity of my suffering. Utilizing self-compassion has changed the way that I see myself and the world. I find that I am more accepting of myself, which in turn means that I can connect to my worthiness and self-love. It is wonderful gift you can give yourself when you can be compassionate to yourself and connect to your worthiness. I hope this inspires you to take your own journey to self-compassion.
Kristi Breugem RCC, MSW, RSW
